Testimony – LS
March 1, 2018 is a not the beginning of my testimony but a defining date on the calendar, where I reached my point of desperation and cried out to God for relief or change or deliverance. I am the wife of a vet with PTSD and my husband was asked by the VA to participate in the Reboot program they offered as part of his recovery plan. He originally asked me to go with him but quickly rescinded that offer and I was told he wanted to make this healing journey alone. I of course thought that him getting into this program was my answer to prayer. I was wrong. It was only a stepping stone and a catalyst to my answer to prayer. I think I don’t have God in a box or that I don’t have expectations attached to how God will work everything out, but I realized on March 1st that I do!
The lengths my husband/vet with PTSD went to in order toprevent me from going was incredible. He had the facilitator ask me not to come and then they wrote a letter indicating we both were kicked out of the program! I had to step back and say that on the morning of March 1st, I felt led to ‘fast’ for the day in preparation for that evening Reboot class not knowing that I was about to be evicted! I fasted and prayed all day and that afternoon was informed via email and text by my husband that we were kicked out! I thought I had fasted for nothing! It was all in vain! God – why would you tell me to fast and pray and thenlet this program be pulled out from under us?
My faith had moved from being on God to being on this program. That night instead of going to this Reboot class, I cried out to God for direction, clarity and answers! I redirected my eyes on to faith in my God. I was desperate! I needed healed from the trauma of living with a vet with PTSD for the last 17 years.
That was when the Lord brought back to my memory, Teresa Walding, another wife of a Vet of Desert Storm. I met her in Kansas in June of 2017 at the 25th Reunion of the Big Red One from Desert Storm. She had done a seminar for those attending the reunion and it was on Where we think our feelings are coming from? Inside – out or Outside – in. I was so amazed at the information that she presented and I thought I would keep in touch, however, I did not. Until Thursday, March 1, 2018. I emailed her in desperation for any help or support or information about how do the wives of vets deal with the avoidance, temper, episodes etc. etc.
Since that day, revelation upon revelation has been flooding into my life and my thoughts. I re-listened to all that she sent me and instantly it was as if a light bulb went on! I listened to the 3 principles of paradigm thinking and thought and how our feelings are 100% attached to our thoughts. It just clicked in my head! I ‘got it’! I was ready now, and back in July I guess I was not ready to hear!
I was desperate, maybe that was it! or maybe God had mercy on me finally! Or maybe both! Either way, I now have a fraction of the disturbing thoughts in my head that I did before! My fear and anxiety and sadness are gone! I find myself with less thoughts running through my head at night! I also realized that my husband’s verbal assaults cannot affect me if I choose not to entertain those thoughts. I am choosing not to hang on to them and make them my own thought which then turns into feelings!
Now has it stopped the episodes coming from him, or the avoidance or any of the behaviors that he slings at me? No! But it has changed me! I feel free! I feel rejuvenated and excited! I believe God wants to heal others. I feel if I’m feeling this then there are other Desert Storm vet’s wives feeling this with me! I believe God wants to heal all the Desert Storm wives from the trauma of living with their vets! It’s time! To be validated and affirmed and healed from what has been a secret torment.
I believe God wants to heal our vets as well! For the spirit of Trauma to be removed and the wounds to be healed and all of us restored to how God created us! And use us to minister healing! I’ve got a new mission! To bring awareness through 3 Paradigms Principles, Our Resilience, Our Feelings comingfrom Inside us via Thoughts. Thoughts and Feelings cannot be separated and at any point that we think they are is when we slip back into Anxiety and unhealthy thinking.
There are so many scriptures that come to mind like ‘how we are to take every thought captive’ or ‘as a man thinketh so is he’.
As I said, this is my journey of revelation and freedom. I am still the wife of a vet with PTSD but…..
I have been set free from the lies and bondage of my own thoughts about what he might be saying.
Now I believe that he will be set free and healed from his bondage of PTSD/trauma, but that is his journey.
I’m thankful and grateful for Teresa who God has put in my path for such a time as this! Together we will bring awareness and healing by sharing our testimony of how this revelation of the knowledge of our Thoughts and Feelings reduces stress, creates hope and freedom to be who we were created by God to be and to fulfill our destiny!
I believe there are many who will read this and think that they were the only ones! It is time! We are not alone, we have each other! Together with God we will walk arm and arm into our healing!